Pregnancy Loss: Grieving for Your Child

Losing a child through miscarriage or stillbirth is a painful experience. Grief is a normal reaction to this loss. You may not want to believe the loss is real. You may feel numb, in shock, or angry. You may even think you could have somehow stopped the loss. At first, it may feel impossible to get through each day. But you will feel better with time, as you let yourself grieve.

Grief is complex. The grieving process varies from person to person. It can cause a lot of emotional and mental changes, such as:

• Feeling sad, depressed, hopeless, or angry
• Feeling worried, guilty, anxious, or afraid
• Trouble with memory and thinking
• Not wanting to talk with or be around other people
• Loss of interest in things you used to enjoy
• Loss of interest in your life and work

Grief can also cause physical changes, such as:

• Loss of appetite or overeating
• Weight loss or gain
• Tiredness
• Trouble getting to sleep or staying asleep
• Headaches, upset stomach, or hair loss
• Sense of trouble breathing
• Trembling or shakiness

While you are grieving, you need to take care of yourself. During this time:

• Take care of your body. Eat a variety of healthy foods and get physical activity. Get as much sleep as you can.
• Avoid using alcohol or drugs to numb your feelings. This can slow the grieving process and be harmful to your health.
• Don't spend a lot of time alone. Have daily contact with family or friends. Talk about your loss with those closest to you.
• Take time for yourself. Make a point to do things that you enjoy.
• If you have been prescribed a medicine to help with your symptoms, take it only as directed. Don't use it with alcohol.
• Try to avoid making major decisions.

You will need support while you are grieving. That support can come from family, friends, and neighbors. Your doctor may refer you to a therapist or grief counselor. A grief support group can help. And this is the time many people reach out to their spiritual or religious community. During this process:

• Stay in touch with family and friends, even if it's hard to talk.
• Stick to a daily routine that keeps you connected to friends and family.
• Tell people how they can help. It can be as simple as bringing you a meal or walking your dog.
• Meet with your faith leader, a counselor or therapist, or your own doctor.
• You can also call the Maternal Mental Health Hotline at 1-833-TLC-MAMA (1-833-852-6262) for support.

Consider joining a grief support group. Ask your doctor how to find one in your area. Support groups can help you cope with your feelings and talk with others who have had a similar experience. These people can share what has helped them through their toughest moments. A support group can also help you with follow-up care. Grief can come back years later. It may be triggered by a memory or another pregnancy. Follow-up care can help you manage long-lasting effects of grief over months or years.

For other types of support, search online for “pregnancy loss support” to find resources like these:

• Share: Pregnancy & Infant Loss Support at https://nationalshare.org/
• March of Dimes at https://www.marchofdimes.org/find-support/topics/miscarriage-loss-grief/dealing-grief-after-death-your-baby
• The Pregnancy Loss Support Program at https://www.pregnancyloss.org/

You may wish to have a memorial or funeral service for your child. This can also help family and friends understand the loss better. It can help give you and your family time to grieve together. Do what you feel will be most helpful to you. Talk with the hospital staff if you wish to make funeral arrangements.

There's no normal length of time to grieve. But if you feel unable to function, you may need extra help. Seeking help is not a sign of weakness. It means that you are taking charge of your recovery. Call your doctor if you:

• Can't eat or sleep for several days in a row
• Have thoughts of harming yourself or others
• Can't work or take care of yourself or others as needed
• Feel out of control with extreme sadness, fear, or anger
• Experience loss of interest in normal activities
• Family or friends have asked you to get help
• Gain or lose a lot of weight
• Feel your grief is getting worse, or not getting any better

If you have thoughts of suicide or of harming yourself or others, get help right away. You can:

• Call or text the Suicide and Crisis Lifeline at 988.
• Go online to chat.988lifeline.org to start a chat.
• Text HOME to 741741 to access the Crisis Text Line.

Consider saving these numbers or having this website in your phone. Go to 988lifeline.org for more information. For support and information about community resources, call the National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI) at 1-800-950-6264 or text NAMI to 62640.

At some point, you'll begin thinking about the future. You'll look ahead and make plans. To help yourself reach this point, try to do one thing each day to join in life. Keep at it, even if it feels strange at first. Your life may never be exactly the same. But one day you'll find you're living life fully again.